Thoughts on What Happened
A long, convincing excuse.
“But of course she wrote a book about it,” was my initial annoyed thought. “Why would I wanna read some long-ass excuse for something that’s, at this point, buried in importance by the ever-mounting heap of unbelievable bullsh*t?”
Cussing included, this was my reaction to an advertisement showing the clean, tidy cover of Hillary’s newest book.
Despite voting for her, and proudly, I find I still have a bitter taste in my mouth from my own memories of What Happened. I remember wondering if someone so disliked should be the democratic candidate, and if foul play had gotten her there. I remember being happy that a woman was so close to being president, but wondering whether it should be her. I remember knowing that, whether I “liked” her or not, she’d make a great president — I had no doubt, in fact. I remember wondering if there really was something to these Emails, if she was trustworthy. I remember citing her experience and painstaking preparation, her tenure, her stiff resolve, when I explained my vote to friends and family. I remember nodding when people described her as a “flawed” candidate, but wondering, latently, “Who isn’t?”
I remember being overwhelmed by it all, feeling inadequate and helpless and flat-out ignorant despite hours of sincere research, and staring at the TV in stunned silence as the impossible results of the election poured in. I remember lying awake that night being really, really confused.
So. Because of the trauma of that period — the friendships and familial bonds tested, the energy consumed, the stress of feeling confused and scared and dumb (I hate feeling dumb) — I bought the audiobook with a firm, defiant click.
I was going to read this sh*t. I wanted to hear what she had to say for herself. I wanted to make sure that she took some credit for what happened, and maybe shed some light on the rest of that muddled time.
And she did.
Here’s the quick version, but I’d urge anyone interested to read the book for yourself. It’s a great way to form your own opinion.
1. The Excuses
This book was really, really annoying at times.
I got tired of hearing rambling talk of fancy events, shout-outs to random staff (I’m glad Jimmy JimJohn did a great job at the campaign office, but…), and what sometimes seemed like excuses or gratuitous pats on the back. It frustrated me that I don’t know whether her roasting of Bernie was actually fair (and I mean it, she ROASTS him. She argues that he offers “10 minute abs” in the way of policy, i.e. something that sounds great, but isn’t realistic.), and to top it all off this book was just too. damn. long.
There were parts that truly did feel like an excuse, but they were weaved around the facts of what, undeniably, happened — things that simply had an effect on the outcome of the election.
Smartly, Hillary addresses the vulnerability of her explanations, saying, “These aren’t excuses, they’re what happened!” Which, you gotta admit, is at least mostly true, and despite what some Goodreads reviewers have cried in all caps, she admits her own prevailing role in the loss, and often.
2. The Feminism
My worst fear about this book was that it was going to peddle that brand of feminism that makes us all look bad. That it was going to say “I didn’t win because I’m a woman, and that’s it” giving conservatives license to shake their fists at those goddamn dirty rotten lesbian snowflake feminists, and giving feminists license to cry “sexism!” in a kind of chant that would’ve annoyed us all.
Don’t get me wrong. Sexism played a role in this election, often explicitly. The fact that an admitted sexual predator won the American presidency over possibly the most qualified, yet damningly female candidate in US history, is a fact that cannot be ignored. I myself have a hunch that, were Hillary a man, she would be our president right now, emails or no emails. (And by “hunch” I mean I’m, like, super sure that would’ve happened.)
What pleased me about how Hillary approached her loss was that she didn’t make sexism the entire point. She thoughtfully explored, quite literally, every angle and player in the whole charade. She demonstrated a deep, deep understanding of campaiging and the process of government. She bolstered girls and women by telling them to, please, keep trying. She didn’t bash capital-m Men As A Whole, and she did an eloquent job of encouraging Americans to put a woman in office, but only if it’s the right woman.
Boy, would that surprise some anti-feminists! To me, it seems like common-sense, and my feminist friends feel the same.
Slightly unrelated, but this article is pointed and hilarious:
Okay I’m back.
3. The Emails
She talks a lot — a lot — about how ridiculous the hubbub about her emails was. She really gets a lot off her chest. After all, the emails are kind of what did her in. Many voters who were on the fence in the final days of the election fell to Trump’s side after Comey’s timely reopening of the email investigation (in which he found nothing).
So I don’t blame her. I can’t understand, despite many well-meaning explanations, why her emails were such a big deal. It’s known that many past government officials conducted themselves in the same way, and several members of the Trump administration have been proven to be doing the same.
I just don’t get it. She doesn’t either. If I had to describe her tone — especially in the audiobook version — I would describe it as “EXASPERATED”.
In all caps.
4. The Stats
Look, this book comes with some pretty convincing stats. They turned me from a skeptic, to a skeptic with a bit more information to stress over.
Seriously, though. I can’t enumerate all of them here, but her explanations for things, backed by statistics (the sources of which you’d have to investigate for yourselves, because I haven’t, which is why I’m still a skeptic) will keep you listening, and if you’re anything like me, “hmmm”ing thoughtfully.
5. The Details
Not being likeable has dogged HRC throughout her career. Whether her likeability has anything to do with her gender is a conversation worth having, but to keep it general, she’s known for being a bit stiff. She’s often called upon to “humanize” herself, and people, myself included, find themselves unable to relate to her professional and seemingly rehearsed mannerisms.
And she’s aware. She can’t seem to fix it, and she uses this book as a means of venting her frustration. She is who she is, and who she is is, well, a rigid and focused perfectionist. To me, she’s that straight-A student that always sat in the front row of your AP English class and always, ob-NOXIOUSLY, asked for clarification on every detail of homework and assignments. She was annoying as hell, and her personality kinda sucked, but I’ll be damned if she didn’t get a strong 5 on that AP test.
Hillary Clinton is That Girl as hell. And I think That Girl would’ve made a phenomenal president. Have you seen her Lit Reviews?! (AP English joke, lolz).
All that aside, this book didn’t do a terribly fantastic job of “humanizing” her. She still is who she is, that HRC. But there were a few details that helped, and that I was interested to learn.
I didn’t know that she had brothers, and that she was the oldest child in her family (should’ve called it, though). I didn’t know that her mother heroically stopped a long cycle of abuse in its tracks when she became a mother, and I didn’t know that stiff-ass Hillary Rodham Clinton could speak with so much emotion in her voice when, near the end of the book, she says that she wishes she could have gone back in time and told her young mother — alone on a train and fending for herself — that everything would be all right. That she’d have a family, that she’d have love, and that her daughter would one day be a candidate for president. That the suffering would be worth it, and to keep going.
I felt emotions.
Her mom sounded like the tough-love type, who took zero in the way of shit, and learning about her helped me to understand the candidate as a real, flesh and blood person. Hillary Clinton is the product of a lot, but to know that she had a strong, hardened mother explains some distinguishing aspects of her personality.
You know what they say: When you learn about a person’s ma, things start to make a bit more sense.
Conclusion, Kind Of, But Actually Just More Rambling Thoughts
At first, I wondered why I was wasting my time reading a book that simply rehashed everything that we were all, unfortunately, there for. I saw it as a long-winded and superfluous excuse; too little, too late. Portions of the book left me with those same gripes, but overall I enjoyed what I learned about Clinton’s perspective.
I think, and she hints at this, that she wrote the book partly as a means of coping. I can’t really blame her for that. Something so rigorous, heated, and disappointing would certainly merit a coping mechanism or two.
Regardless of intention or purpose, though, she is very candid in this book, which I appreciated as a skeptical reader. She doesn’t appear to hold back, and she does a credible job of explaining everything clearly and rationally. She appears to be thoughtful about what happened, wondering where she went wrong, what she should have done, and what could have gone differently. The tone was much less haughty than I’d expected, and much more reflective and explanatory. It’s almost as if she’s telling you a story of something that happened to her to see if you’d interpret it the same way.
It’s easy to say that this book is an excuse, or a needless rehashing of something that’s over and done. But this election truly was strange and important, and her perspective on it is as valid as anyone’s. Probably more so. She was in the thick of it all.
My hope for this book is that it will be effective in encouraging people to stay active, to pay attention, and to do what it takes to keep the worst of what happened from happening again.