Austin Flavor Savors: That February Feelin’
Puttin’ foods in my mouth hole, the Texas way (I’m assuming).
Sup nerds! Well, February happened, and I ate a lot. I want to tell you all about it! But concisely, because I’ve got other cr*p to do.
Stop 1: Not Your Abuelo’s Abuelo
Look, I’ve lived in Austin for two months, and I’ve already been to Abuelo’s like four times. Playtime is over. This place provides the safety, trust, and comfort of your average Mexican food chain, while simultaneously catapulting you through a vortex of flavors you never thought possible at what is, essentially, a Chili’s.
SIKE. Abuelo’s is nothing like Chili’s. It’s way better, and here’s why.
SALSA: You get three flavors. One is smoky, one is spicy, and one is green so I refuse to touch it. All are served in a very classy and modern dish. It’s square, people.
DECOR: Very tasteful. They have all those colors that are supposed to make you hungry. I like that, because I came to eat.
FOOD: You got your fajitas, you got your burritos, you got your tacos and your beans. Great, fine. But you’ve ALSO got about a jillion other options, which are wide and varied and interesting and a lot of them include zucchini.
Folks, I am not kidding. Every dish I’ve had at Abuelo’s has been straight up saliva-inducing and bursting with CREAMY, JUICY FLAVORS. I am really hoping that my use of capitals and italics in this paragraph has helped to convey my sincerity.
Stop 2: You’re Hunan Lyin’!
In 2017, I have moved out of Utah and into Texas, and helped my girlfriend move out of her apartment and — naturally — into her new place. This makes four — count ‘em! — four (4) sessions of moving. That may not be a correct or accurate way to tabulate amounts of moving but I don’t care at all.
The point is, if there’s anything I know about moving by now, it’s that I tend to have one, mighty, massive craving during and after the moving activities, and this craving is for takeout Chinese food. It’s like, I touch a mattress and/or some linty forgotten possessions from the back of a closet, and suddenly I want orange chicken and fried rice to enter my body at all costs. It’s crazy.
Having finished moving into Mollie’s new place, her parents kindly offered to buy dinner for the group after a long day. “What sounds good?” They innocently asked, noticing not that I was practically frothing at the mouth in the corner of the kitchen at the thought of hundred-item menus and sauce-soaked meats.
“Chinese sounds good to me, I guess,” I said calmly and indifferently. And they bought it! (Both my feigned nonchalance, and, eventually, the food. Thanks, Lensings! ❤) We googled, and googled, and googled some more, and stumbled upon a choice that sounded promising: Hunan Lion. Rawr.
An order was placed, and promises were kept. Hunan Lion was cheap, quick, saucy, and flavorful such that I was not able to maintain my calm fiction as I stuffed chicken, pork, rice, and vegetables in my mouth unabashedly. It should be noted that this was my first time meeting Mollie’s parents as a unit, and I’m sure to have made a great impression.
Stop 3: The Robot With Pretty Much Average Luck As Far As I Can Tell
The Lucky Robot is a Japanese restaurant on South Congress that’s hip-as-fuh and has swings for seats sometimes. They probably have good food, but I don’t like (the idea of) sushi and my Thai curry rice bowl was just so-so.
That being said, I will probably go back there at some point because I can’t resist uppity, quirky-ass places, and because I haven’t gotten to sit in one of those swing seats yet.
Stop 4: The “Great” Salt Lick
Okay, here’s the thing about Salt Lick. It lies just outside of Austin, in Dripping Springs, Texas, and the drive there is straight-up idyllic. Picturesque. I was like squeegee-ing my face against the car window looking at the wild and open country and just wanting to eat it up. Who needs barbecue with a tasty view like that?! (Me.)
I felt like a dang cowgirl, wanted to ride some bulls, sow some seed, be super racist, all those quaint country things that really take you back to the real America. And as we pulled into the restaurant parking lot, the feelings ballooned to a climax. I was so psyched. The place is huge and practically off some country road in the middle of a ranch. I was like, “I’m totally in the south right now, OMG. Feed me.”
It’s cute, it’s so cute. Total barn-in-the-country feel. As you walk in, you smell all these amazing smells — the air is tinged with the actual flavor of smoked meats — and you sense some kind of innate animal ravenousness begin to overtake your normally-civilized manners.
But then you look at the menu, and they don’t have mac ’n’ cheese.
Pay close attention to the following statement: Salt Lick can suck it.
Stop 5: Hey, Cupcake(s)! Plural. Obviously.
South Congress is a solid 7/10. At night, though, it’s a solid 8/10. Austin itself is a 9/10, and that has a lot to do with the masses of food trucks. It’s a great business plan. Food trucks are irresistible, and idiots like me love ’em. So in a city as meticulously quirky as Austin, it’s a no-brainer to get some food trucks up in here. And they are up in everywhere.
Hey Cupcake! posts up on South Congress and is a shining (literally, because metal is a reflective surface) beacon of cupcake excellence. However, I must confess that their frosting was just too fluffy, and I didn’t really like my cupcake that much.
That being said, I’m very particular about my frosting, and I know that about myself. So Hey Cupcake! doesn’t lose any points for not satisfying my unique wants and needs. THIS TIME.
Stop 6: Could A Devil Named “Torchy” Really Be All That Formidable?(Nah. He’s Pretty Much Just A Friendly Taco Guy.)
I’m getting pretty tired of writing, but I will say this: I made a goal a few months back to work toward cutting beef out of my diet. Austin, however, is making that very difficult by having so many amazing tacos lurking about, waiting to be messily shoveled into my mouth hole (though I still only eat beef on these special and taco-rich occassions, because I have this awesome and massive guilt-complex going on that’s super endearing).
Long story short, Torchy’s lived up to the hype. My tacos were incredible, the atmostphere was dope, and I happily ate that queso despite the guacamole in it. Yes, I don’t like guacamole. Am I even white? (Yes. Very. *sob*)
Stop 7: Ur Not Evn My Uncl But I Luv U Lik I Wud Prolly Luv An Uncl
First of all, Uncle Billy’s has better meat than Salt Lick. Whoa, what?!?!?!? Yes. It lacks the idyllic drive, but is much more accessibly located just down the road from Zilker Park (which I like because sometimes a girl’s gotta eat ASAP).
They also have mac ’n’ cheese. This is huge, this is essential.
Not only do they wisely include mac ’n’ cheese on their already interesting and well-rounded menu which includes mac ’n’ cheese, this mac ’n’ cheese is also above average, and kind of spicy.
So, already, Uncle Billy’s has the upper hand when it comes to barbecue (in my opinion, which is fickle and adorably subject to whimsy and change).
The first time I went to Uncle Billy’s, I got the beef brisket sandwich. While delicious, it’s literally just beef and a bun. Not mad about it. I got that mac ’n’ cheese on the side, though, obviously, and decided to slather it all over my beef to really boost the sandwich’s flavor and aesthetic. I’m always thinking on my toes like that. I have great ideas. I have the best ideas. I am full of ideas that are always just flying and spilling out everywhere. I am seriously the best. I love me.
As I was enjoying my creation, and ignoring the semi-awkwardness that came with performing such a ritual among people I didn’t really know all that well yet, I spotted french fries on the horizon. (There! Being carried in slow motion, over by the giant metal beer thingies! The light reflecting off of them like gold in the air!) They weren’t mine, and wouldn’t be during this visit, but they called to me, whispering promises of things to come.
I was saddened, but bolstered by the possibility of them eventually entering my mouth hole. I vowed to return, and to include those crispy, thick fries in my next opus.
Well, folks, the day arrived, and I once again found myself at Uncle Billy’s. And you just KNOW ya girl ordered that beef, and that mac, and those fries, and threw them all under the safety and protection of that sweet, sweet bun.
It was incredible, and I was the coolest kid at that table (according to myself only. No others were polled).
Stop 8: Wow, I’m Eating Out Way More Than I Used To. Welp, To Guero’s!
Guero’s is really good. More tacos. I got beef again. Sorry, Earth! They have an outdoor music venue next door. Very cool. Very Austin. I’m tired. Bye!