Austin Flavor Savors: A Month at March-A-Lago
Puttin’ foods in my mouth hole, the Texas way (I’m assuming).
Greetings, aliens! The month of March was filled with flavors that would rival the finest Floridian wealth-raking golf resort, and I can’t wait to yell at you about it!
This month also features, along with my regular Texas eats, a trip back to my homeland of Utah, USA, where I feasted still. I’m like a food train, I can’t be stopped. Only instead of entering a tunnel (since I’m the train in this metaphor and the tunnel could represent the food), the tunnel is entering the train. Or maybe the train should be the food and I should be the tunnel. Because I’m eating the food.
I’ll brainstorm it.
Stop 1: Biscuits and G-Dang GROOVY
I described this experience to a friend the other day, and I don’t know if I’ve ever gesticulated with such passion. This place is so good it’s dumb. It turns your brain off. It melts you. It eats your family. What? Okay.
Mollie and I ordered the item that looked most attractive to us (spoiler: it included eggs, bacon, biscuits, and — you guessed it — a CR*PLOAD OF GRAVY) and settled at a rain-soaked table, unsure of what the future would hold. When our food was presented to us, after only a few minutes of longingly ogling the Peter Pan mini golf place across the street (still gotta hit that up), neither of us could resist emitting several impassioned gasps.
If you’re having trouble processing what you’re seeing in the pictures above, let me describe it to you. Those heroes handed us a dang to-go box that was just BRIMMING with biscuity gravy-y goodness. There were like six biscuits lovingly placed in the container, followed by a generous helping of gravy. This magnificence was then laid upon by eggs, jalapeno peppers, bacon, cheese, and those fancy little green loopies.
We both died. We’re dead now. I’m writing this from somewhere neither heaven nor hell. You’ll see when you get here.
Stop 2: Stouthaus
This quaint coffee shop is nestled almost exactly between my apartment and my girlfriend’s house, and their mocha latte is on par with my favorite Utah variety. What a treat! During my visit I was tempted, but resisted the urge to take a picture of my adorable little coffee cup with the artsy swirly things. I also resisted the urge to use the shape of the swirly as a sort of blot test, analyzing my own psychology.
Another great thing about Stouthaus? Their wifi password is “USETHEFORCE”, which is quirky. Also, helpful that they have wifi in general (*cough cough* Radio Coffee and Beer *cough*).
Stop 3: Maudie’s
At Maudie’s I ate a burrito that was so spicy I thought I was gonna throw up. Good food though!
7/10
Stop 4: Jester King Brewery
In a picturesque and ranchy area just outside of Austin lies the Jester King. It’s essentially a big barn, strung with lights and filled with jolly people. They have a side-barn with a pizza oven. They have other treats. And the garlic knots are fluffy as a cloud.
Overall, my experience here was just delightful. But I didn’t order anything so I don’t really have much else to say. Cheers!
Stop 5: Hill’s Cafe
While I’m told this is a classic Austin restaurant and must-visit landmark, my food was mediocre and the service was some of the worst I’ve ever seen or received. I probably won’t go back unless forced, because I got way too much other good stuff to eat.
4/10
Stop 6: La Feria
La Feria just pretty much had your standard Mexican food. But guess what:
I love standard Mexican food.
10/10
Stop 7: Austin Java
I drive past this place all the time, but I finally got to enter and consume during the Month at March-A-Lago. I had a delectable omelet, cooked to my exact specifications and coupled with the chillest service ever. But just when I thought my visit couldn’t get any more dope, my friend Kody got pooped on by a bird.
10/10
Stop 8: Gordoughs
Look at my face:
That’s what a person looks like when they go to Gordoughs. This place is donut-centered — as in every menu item’s main ingredient is a literal donut. I am not kidding.
I ordered the Country Clucker (right), which was fried chicken topped with a corny (heh) gravy, all a-splatter on top of a glazed donut. It was good, but it wasn’t, like, super good. However, I’m a sucker for novelty food so whatever. I liked it.
My dessert donut (left) was called The Puddin, suchly named because it was basically banana pudding on top of a donut. Again, there was no way that this was not going to taste good. And it did.
i ❤ gordoughs. Keepin’ it simple by pairing good things with other good things.
SPECIAL ADDITION: U-TAH-T TO BE KIDDING ME
My visit home to the Salt Lake Valley was filled with wonder, espionage, and a lot of solitary reading in coffee shops. Here’s a quick rundown of all the delightful things I consumed:
Things I Don’t Have Pictures Of, But That Deserve Mention:
Spitz: Home of the most incredible thing that has ever been done to fries.
Nostalgia Coffee: Home of one of the swankiest vibes in SLC (and the most seating, bless).
Purgatory: Home of a drink that had a skull for an ice cube, which was contrarian, but cool. I also ate something yummy and quirky there but I don’t remember what it was. Oh! It was a curry donut. Sheeeeeit. I must have liked that.